Why Women Struggle With Self-Worth & How We Can Heal

What I’ve seen over my 11 years at Skirt is simply a microcosm of what is happening all over the planet.

As the founder and CEO of a company that employs only women, I have sadly witnessed countless deeply competent and caring women denigrate their own capabilities. Even in moments where I am directly expressing my trust in one of my team member’s by offering them a larger role within the company, women will often use that time to question their own value or point out all the ways that they ‘aren’t quite good enough yet’ to expand beyond their current position.

Rather than seeing a bigger role with more responsibilities as a growth opportunity, women often tell me that they are already afraid of falling short before they have even started, that they are worried they need to add extra value immediately or their contributions will be worthless, that they are stuck in a loop of comparison with other women. The pressure is paralyzing and blinds them to their own unique gifts.

It is not surprising to me that so many women feel this way given all of us are steeped from birth in a patriarchal culture which actively discourages us from taking up space, from recognizing our own worth, from claiming what is rightfully our own. Instead, we are infinitely rewarded for what we give to others – for the nurture, care, and support we pour into everyone but ourselves. While I find this capacity for love to be one of the most beautiful qualities of the feminine spirit, when taken to an extreme, it is detrimental to everyone.

What I’ve seen over my 11 years at Skirt is simply a microcosm of what is happening all over the planet.

Understandably, every woman who has overextended herself time and again will inevitably run dry – having nothing left to give to either herself or others. This collapse then feeds the self-criticism which further entrenches this vicious cycle of over-giving. Unable to locate her own self-worth, she looks to others for validation. While this might be a quick hit that works momentarily, it can never be sustained for very long and the search must always begin again. Or perhaps even worse, the external validation cannot be found anywhere and the risk of leaving one’s comfort zone will be avoided for fear of coming up empty-handed ever again.

It is no wonder that I hear so many women who are nurturing and caring to their core struggling with feelings of resentment and overwhelm. While there are so many forces which feed these dynamics, at the root of it all, I feel it stems from women’s discomfort with truly allowing ourselves to receive. If we as women don’t feel worthy of what is offered to us, we will never trust that it is genuine. Over-giving becomes a protective mechanism against feeling the lack of worth that truly receiving love can surface.

What is the solution? The first step is for women to give themselves the unconditional acceptance and love they so freely gift to others. Rather than being selfish, this allows for a woman to truly give to others from a place of abundance – her own cup is so full that it can flow onto everyone around her with ease. While this is of course a path each woman must undertake for herself, everything I do at Skirt is about creating an environment for women where they can accept and love themselves fully. When a woman is truly in touch with her own needs and desires, and has been empowered to fulfil them herself, she can stop holding herself back out of fear she isn’t good enough – in her work and her relationships. I cannot think of anything the world needs more of right now.